Tell me a joke PIGGY PEOPLE

Imma give the pig at 1 condition.

Post a good joke you know, if it make me laugh out loud IRL ill give the pig, if i dont laugh u wont have it, this contest can stay here forever so do your best, ure not limited you can tell me more than one joke, but use the *reply* button no multiple post *Edit Button*. I don't give points for effort......so yeah be funny .

Edit:This contest go on to 2008-12-01

Good Luck.

(A simple one liner for you)

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

-----

And a teaching joke:

The 3rd grade teacher had to leave her classroom for a few minutes. On returning, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and absolutely stunned. She said "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, little Julie spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."

----------

And a personal favorite and classic:

An uncomfortable pirate walks into the bar with a ships wheel attached to the front o' his trousers. The bartender exclaims "Eh, there's a ship's wheel in yer pants!" The pirate says, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

---------

Here's one my dad loves (huge nerd). It works better aloud than typed, and if you don't know the song it make no sense, but meh well.

A frog walks into a bank and goes to the teller whose name is Patrick Wack. The frog says "My name is Kermit McJagger and I need a loan." The teller asks him if he has any collateral. The frog gives him a small odd statue. The teller isn't sure what to do so he goes and asks the manager what in the world the statue is and how to handle the frong. The manager responds, (imagine this part musical) "It's a knicknack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."

Here's one.

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

''I can't do that, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''
''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''
''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''
''Fine then, just walk this white line.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm drunk.''

----------

And another one 0.o

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden."

"Bullshit! There's no such place!"

Guy says, "Sure there is! It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"

-----------

How about a few more?

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

----------

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

----------

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

----------

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Heres a good joke might not make u laugh though...

For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day) who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

----------------

heres another

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

a nerdy looking guy, kinda scrawney, walks into a barrieou watering hole, and as he orders his cerveza's, he see's this big jar of money on the end. This little man that can barely hold up his pint, Askes the barkeep"Say what's that jar of money over there for?", in which the barkeep replies,"you put 10 dollars in there and you get a shot at making the donkey in the back laugh.". Well the nerdy scrawney screetch looking man, he puts ten dollars in the jar, and goes in the back where the donkey is and in 10 seconds the man comes back in the bar, and all you can hear is this donkey just cracking up, fallin down in histerics, the man picks up the jar and finishes' his pint with one large gulp and walks out...2 weeks later, this gentleman of sorts is back on buissiness travleing, and decides to stop at the same place...Well wouldn't you know it, he see'sd another jar of money at the end of the bar, abnd he asks,"hey compadre, what's that jar of money for?", and the barkeep replies,"you put 10 dollars in, and if you can make the donkey cry, you win the jar!". well gosh-darn sure enough if this twiggley fellow doesn't put 10 dollars in the jar, and in 5 seconds this time, he comes from the back room fixing his pants in a quick sort of way, and by mother mary of jesus, if that donkey wasn't sobbin his ole eyes out. The barkeep just had to know so he asked the guy before he could walk out, just how he was able to make the donkey laugh so hard he was hurlling one week and 2 weeks later make the gosh darn thing wanna walk in-front of a semi. It was simple this fine young pornstar replied, the first time i topld him mine was bigger then his, and today i prooved it!

How Ya like that one slayer? Madhatter

Joke#2

this bartender on rodeo drive, used to dealing with the most elegant snobby, yet most beautiful people around, is just aw-struck dumb by this cute little red head, nothing special about her, most likely why he liked her so. Anyways, he's been giving her puppy dog eyes along with all kind of free drinks, and wasn't getting any kind of response what-so-ever out of her. well this goes on for about 2 hours, she then gets up and needs to use the luv, especially after all the free drinks. When she comes out, she walks up to the bar, right to the bartender rubs his ear and his check, then slowly one by one puts each finger in his mouth letting him suck on each one, turning him on imensely, and he just has to ask, "i've been giving you eye's and drinks for the last two hours trying to show i'm interested in you and you keep putting me down, why the change of heart all of a sudden?". she replied,"no change of heart, the ladies room is out of toilet papper!"

Edited by admin. (Don't douple post.)

Admin wrote:

use the *reply* button no multiple post.

As Slayer has already mentioned, don't post more than once in this thread. If you want to add a joke to your post, use the edit button.

So 1 day a little boy has to go to bed so his mom tuck's him in and then goes in her room but the boy wanted a glass of water so he went to his moms room and there was a paper on the door saying MOM OF DUITY AFTER 8:30 PM XD LOLL

How many potheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Give up?

None, they are too lazy. They'll just smoke in the dark.

i.e. Breakerfall

Here are 3 Jokes that You might find funny. I hope you like them.


--------------------------

Why did beyonce say to the left to the left in one of her hit songs??

-Man: Why?

Because Black people have no rights :O

--------------------------

Why do black people jump so high in basketball?

-Man: Why?

Because there Negros (get it Ne-Gros = Knee Grows)

--------------------------

Why is there cotton in medicine bottles when you first open them.

-Man: Why?

Because it reminds blacks that they had to pick cotton for freedom.

--------------------------

3 Men in black suits were driving down the highway Jim, Tom, and Frank. Jim, Tom were very funny and loved to tell jokes, Frank was serious and never liked having fun.

Jim: Frank why dont you be less serious your driving us crazy!

--Frank: Because i love my job and i dont want to lose it.

-Tom: Frank were going to bother you throughout the ride unless you do something funny.

--Frank: What!, you want me to tell a joke? or something will that settle it?

Jim/Tom: Ya, ya that sounds fine.

--Frank: Fine... Knock Knock

-Tom: Whos there?

(There was a 4 Second Pause)

--Frank: ... Go F*ck Yourself.

______________________

What are you going to do this weekend?

-Man: Well im going to Smoke a bowl (Smoke obowl = Cabal / Smoke cabal if you say it fast)
-Man: I don't gave an Ape Shit.


-LoL By: PuRe, AKA: Infectious


EDITED BY ADMIN(RACISM ON FORUM OR GUILD CHAT IS BANABLE) THIS IS A THREAD FOR JOKES, SO I ACCEPT THOSE. ONLY FOR NOW THO. Sorry for the people that find that offendent.

Ok so Infectious won the pig, and he look so ghey with it HAHAHA INFECTIOUS WITH A PINK PIG !!!!

Good job.

LoL thank you Slayer i love you [NO HOMO] look at my pig GOOO

Gratz!